I am still in pain. Throbbing, unrelenting, raw pain. Parts of my body that I’ve never felt before are screaming in fury. It hurts down to my very soul and I’m going to have to finish writing this tomorrow.
Ok, so I’m still in agony, but I can type without increased pain. Yesterday I went to get a massage at the “Kampot Massage by the Blind,” also known as “Seeing Hands Massage.” As the name implies, the massage therapists there are blind. It’s happy because you get your massage and your $4 goes to a blind person. Horray! Don’t you feel good about yourself?! At least that’s what I was hoping for…
Apparently they’re trained in Japanese Shiatsu massage, opposed to the Thai and Lao style with which I’ve become accustomed. Now I don’t know a thing about Shiatsu massage, but even if it’s supposed to hurt to some extent, there’s no way it’s supposed to be this detrimental.
I’ve had deep work massage before from Daria, which is the classic Swedish massage where the therapist digs into your muscles to release knots. That could be painful with too much pressure, but my experience yesterday was a pain I’ve never felt with Swedish massage. This blind chick would take her thumbs and push into my body with astonishing force – often times positioning herself so that she could put her entire body weight into the push. And it almost seemed like she was targeting pressure points on my body where it would hurt the most.
At first, I just tried to not cry out in anguish. I muffled my gasp, but the body can’t lie. My neck, which the blind chick targeted first, recoiled in rejection. Now this girl was blind, but she could no doubt feel my disagreeable reaction. At this she steadied my head with one hand and jammed her thumb from the other hand right back into my neck. I couldn’t stifle my cry this time and voiced something to the effect of “yaaaahhhh!” Hearing this, the blind girl mumbled something seemingly apologetic in Khmer, but did not let up on my neck. She proceeded down my back, along my arms, legs, and feet in the same manner. Each and every stab felt like I was being impaled with a spoon. I’d attempt to smother my howl, only succeeding half the time, and my body would almost always involuntarily recoil. And the blind chick’s response was almost always the same: steady my squirming body, mutter something possibly apologetic, and then stab just as hard with better leverage.
Several times I considered forcing myself upright, announcing “No more torture – I’m outta here,” but I didn’t for a couple of reasons. Deep down, I kept thinking that as much as this hurt, maybe it’s really super therapeutic, which is why it hurts so super much. Then she’d stab again, and I’d think “therapeutic or not, this is nothing short of torture – let’s make a move.” But then I’d think about how she’s a blind chick and I’d feel bad walking out on her, even paying for the whole session… or maybe I’m just a wuss. Then she’d stab again, steadying my frantically withdrawing body and pushing harder than ever. For 60 minutes of unequivocal suffering I endured the wrath of this blind chick. At the very end she punched my back and shoulders so hard that I have bruises to show for the beating. I also have an interesting pattern of developing bruises every place she stabbed.
Seriously, WTF, ‘Seeing Hands Massage?’ This is not ok. I can barely walk. ‘See My Hands Make You Scream’ is on notice – I’ll show them (whoops! I can’t show them anything! No one can! Ha!). Sorry – I really do hurt bad enough to make fun of blind people. That blind chick beat the crap out of me.
Several travelers who had already traveled through Cambodia described the country as similar to the US Wild West with AK-47 carrying drifters, angry and persistent beggars, and dusty back road towns. They told me that anything goes in Cambodia: you can have and do anything you want, as long as you can afford to pay off the police.
I witnessed many of these claims, but have decided that Cambodia would be more aptly dubbed the Wild East: A modern day lawlessness with guns, drugs, and prostitution, but with its own identity. There are no saloons with double swinging doors or brothels with girls calling out of the top floor windows, but you can certainly get anything you want from the motorbike drivers hanging out on every street corner. Rooms are $2 a night, you can blow up cows and chickens with RPGs and grenades, and drug deals go down right next to the rarely manned police station.
It really all comes down to the motorbike taxi drivers. In Thailand, outside of Bangkok, the motorbike drivers only ask if you “Want motobia?” In Vietnam they ask if you want “Motobia? Smoky?” In Laos they add “happy mushroom?” to the offer. And in Cambodia they regularly run the whole gambit: “Want motobia? No? How about smoke something? Mushroom? Opium? Heroin? Nice lady? Nice boy?” They often have to follow you walking by to get it all in, and sometimes will even show off their drug inventory for inspection in the middle of the street.
A few days ago I was getting a ride on a motorbike to Hotel Cambodiana on the other side of Phnom Penh to see a hash runner buddy’s band play. The driver dude went down the inclusive list while we took off and concluded with, “You want lady boom boom?” to which I replied, “Nope, I’m good, thanks.” He then points to some girls riding ahead of us on the road and says, “How about these girls? Very nice?” Once again, I say, “No. No boom boom.” My driver then proceeds to catch up to the girls, keeps pace beside them, and talks to them in Khmer. After a minute he asks me, “30 dollar US ok?” “No,” I say, “no boom boom.” He turns back to the girls to renegotiate, and then comes back with, “Ok, 20 dollar US.” I laugh at the hilarity of the situation for a second, then reaffirm, “No thank you, no boom boom for me.” He nods like he understands, but then speeds down the road only to find another set of girls on a motorbike. The whole proposition and negotiation process is repeated and my driver even gets the going price down to $5 for one of these girls. The guy definitely understood English well enough to know that I didn’t want boom boom, so he must have thought that I’d change my mind if the right girl quoted the right price. Can’t be sure about that, but it’s certainly insane that these random girls driving down the street didn’t flinch, react with shock, or take offense by my driver’s proposal – instead they calmly and sensibly considered the offer and then quoted a price. This is the Wild East.
I can see why many relate Cambodia’s smaller towns to the Wild West – the architecture often sports the two-story, double balcony terrace deal which looks to be straight out of Wild West movies. And when you have the dirt road to go along with it, it’s close enough. Seen a few good examples, but don’t have good photos to show for it yet.
A note on money in Cambodia: they use US dollars for almost everything and ATMs dispense American bucks, but they don’t use US coins. Instead they use the Cambodian currency, which is Riel, for everything under one dollar. 4000 Riel is 1 US dollar, so if something costs $1.50, you use an American dollar bill and 2000 Riel. Change often comes in both currencies, so it’s a bit confusing at first, but not too bad once you get the hang of it. Pretty interesting the way it works here.
The US dollar is the international currency and is often accepted in all SE Asian countries, but only for select things and you’ll likely get screwed on the exchange rate. With the intensity in which the value of the dollar is dropping, however, I think it’s only a matter of time until the Euro takes over as the international currency. Much more stable. Damn Americans buying houses they can’t afford and making my money worth 3% less every week (no joke).
I was in Lao for just under a month and saw a fair bit of the country, but can only really gather a top five experience list this time instead of the usual top ten. Many of my Lao highlight experiences revolved around the people I met, both locals and other backpackers, and in turn I concentrated less on sights and activities. I think Lao has a little less in the ‘sights to see’ and ‘things to do’ categories when compared to Thailand and Vietnam, but this has been a developing trend during my recent travels: sweet sights and random adventures are great, but meeting various interesting and friendly people has become more meaningful and has facilitated my personal development as a traveler.
Going solo has made it easy to meet lots of people and then spend time with the most interesting ones. In addition to gaining new perspective and learning from people with different backgrounds, there’s a distinct sense of honesty and genuineness (or Guinness) that surrounds these interactions. When meeting people while traveling, there are no consequences to what you say, so there’s no reason to be anything but brutally honest. Don’t like what someone says or get embarrassed about revealing something? You never have to see that person again if you don’t want to. That’s a freedom that invites an incredible openness in conversations. Quite refreshing.
Nonetheless, here’s the Top 5 Lao Experience List:
5) Cruising around the World Heritage sites in Luang Prabang. Although the mess of the mass tour groups got old pretty fast.
4) Running with the Hash House Harriers in Vientiane. (For those of you who still don’t know what hash running is, check it out.)
3) Climbing in Vang Vieng. Climbing is sweet to begin with, but the climbing here was excellent quality with new routes being bolted each day and not crowded in the least. Learning lead climbing was scary as hell, but I'm pretty psyched I didn't die.
2) Slow boating down the Nam Ou and taking it easy in the villages of Muang Khua and Nong Khiaw - because with excellent scenery, no electricity or vehicles, and limited access, there’s really no other way to take it.
1) As stated in the intro, the Lao people are the best experience Lao has to offer. They’re laid back, friendly, and often eager to practice their English with you over some lao lao. The backpackers I met in Lao were also more friendly and interesting than usual. Lao doesn’t provide the best sights in the region (compared to neighboring countries) and the culture is not incredibly distinct (much infused from neighbors), yet it’s a refreshing and enjoyable place to travel. I’m sure I’ll be back one day.
As for now, I’ve crossed the border into Cambodia (Cambodians call it ‘Cambodge’), spent a few days in Stung Treng, and after a triple breakdown bus ride I am now in the capital city Phnom Penh. Cambodia has been interesting so far – it sort of has an old style Wild West feel to it. Except the dudes walk around with AK-47s instead of shiny little pistols. Hum…
Lao Picture set now complete.
