Haphazard Reflections on Laos

I’ve been in Laos (Lao to everyone else) for several weeks, but have held off on posting much of a description because the towns and villages I’ve visited have been so drastically different. It’s also difficult to identify a unique Lao culture as many characteristics are drawn from neighboring Thailand and Vietnam. There are several things that are fascinating about this country, like 8 year olds driving motorbikes and the occasional cow-meet-chainsaw roadside part auctions, but these are not uniquely Lao – they’re SE Asian. A distinctive Lao culture certainly exists – modern tourism distractions and international influences just have to be filtered out to experience it authentically.

Riverside villages in the north, including Muang Khua and Nong Khiaw, are the closest I’ve come to authentic Lao. Villagers are as friendly as the Thai and even more easy-going, if that’s possible. There is no electricity except for a few hours of generator-powered juice in the evening; lao-lao (sticky rice whiskey) is dished out to the masses in used water bottles; and without motorbikes and cars, alarm clock duties are passed on to the hundreds of roosters that must be directly outside your bungalow. These villages are accessible by road, but boating down the Nam Ou (River Ou) takes half the time and is much more enjoyable. I’ve learned to seize any opportunity to avoid the bus and the complementary smell of vomit.

From Nong Khiaw, I continued by boat to Luang Prabang, and this is where the mass tourism began. Awarded World Heritage Site status in 1995 for the many temples and historical architecture harbored within its border, Luang Prabang has become a highlight on old people tour package itineraries. Herds of old, fat Americans and swarms of frantic Japanese women crowd the streets while tour guides use megaphones to be heard over the noise and regain their attention. (Ehh… maybe I shouldn’t work in the travel industry after all.) This is the only place in Lao that they’ll see, and it’s therefore the only place in Lao that I don’t care to stay. The sites I visited here were nice, but certainly not worth the inflated expense or headaches.

Next up was Vang Vieng… oh boy. Not sure if I should start with the “special” restaurant menus, tubing with back flips, non-stop episodes of ‘Friends,’ or the all night Phish jam sessions. Vang Vieng is a lot like Luang Prabang, but for hippies instead of old people. Drugs are illegal in Lao, but the police have better things to do than concern themselves with drug use. There are a couple dozen bamboo lounge restaurants that dominate the center of the small town and the food menu is generally followed by a drug menu with a heading that reads some variation of “Happy Menu For Happiness!” [Disclaimer: I was a non-participating observer of any and all drug-related activity.] The drug menus have weed, mushroom, and opium sections, each with various teas, joints, shakes, pizzas, and baggies. Incredibly organized and inventive. The funniest part is that most of these lounges play non-stop reruns of ‘Friends’ episodes. Yep, that one, with Rachael and Ross. How completely random and ridiculous. So you’ve got all these zoned out guys and girls with hazy eyes and half-open mouths watching episode after episode of Friends. A few of the lounges show Family Guy or European soccer, but a dire few.

Tubing in Vang Vieng was a lot like tubing at home, but with sweet back flips. Dozens of bars lined the river and dudes would hook your tube with long poles to bring you over to their bar. Along with the blaring Bob Marley, most bars had some sort of rope swing or zip-wire for patron entertainment. Even though many people experienced minor injuries from rocks in the shallow water, drunk tubers were a dime a dozen to impress the crowd with back flips and swan dives into the river. “Oohhs,” “Aahhs,” and Beerlao’s a plenty.Vang Vieng is certainly a party town, but after a few days of that, I went to investigate the famed climbing scene. And oh Christ-in-flight, the climbing here is awesome. Perfect limestone roofs and canyons packed with routes. A German dude was bolting fresh routes along a pristine and untouched face when we first got there. Had an excellent first day getting my climbing face back, then learned lead climbing from a local guide. Scared the crap out of me at first, but got comfortable when I didn’t die after a day of leads.

Currently in Vientiane, the capital of Lao. This place is so laid back and low key that it reminds me of Greenville, South Carolina. Yep, that slow. At least the tourism here is integrated into the city and doesn’t shamelessly clash with the surroundings like in Luang Prabang and Vang Vieng. It’s nice here. I think I’ll stay for a little while before heading to the less traveled south.